"Be nice ... share!"

Teaching a young child to share, as in 'requiring' or 'guilt-tripping' him or her to share, usually interferes with their willingness to share. Here are three things to think about:

1 - Young children are keen observers of adult behavior, and in the adult world, they likely, by even age 3, have perceived that adults are not as willing to share their own personally valuable and meaningful items with strangers or even acquaintances as they are in being sure they (their own children) do.

2 -  They are in the middle or at the end of learning what ...

Read More

"Say 'please'," or not - What Really Matters

My own adult children now know that insisting that children say "please" and "thank you" will likely result in their saying that (especially in our presence), but whether others feel the gratefulness or feel the appreciation depends. Is it from the heart? Or because they "should," a part of "being nice."  "Be nice!" is what many of us were told by our parents. While there is certainly nothing wrong with being nice, it can ...

Read More

Who Is the Most Important Person in Your Family?

It is normal for a parent to put their own well-being - including R&R, exercise, and fun - last in their priorities (how selfish, one might think!). But the bottom line is, you matter, your well-being impacts everyone in your family in many ways, including learning how to take care of themselves. If your children don't learn the value of that from you, then from whom? And every child already knows that when parent(s) are happy, everyone is!  So here is a recommended blog post from Stephanie Owen ... it is worth reading here.  It is a great resource.

Discovering another ... re: anything

I love this quote on Farnam Street blog, taken from Krista Tippett on Generous Listening and Asking Better Questions. I've found it to be so true in my work with young children as well as with their parents:

"If I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned this: a question is a powerful thing, a mighty use of words. Questions elicit answers in their likeness. Answers mirror the questions they rise, or fall, to meet. So while a simple question can be precisely what’s needed to drive to the heart of the matter, it’s hard to meet a simplistic question with anything but a simplistic answer. It’s hard to transcend a combative question. But it’s hard to resist a generous question. We all have it in us to formulate questions that invite honesty, dignity, and revelation. There is something redemptive and life-giving about asking a better question."   - Krista Tippett

Let' say you just sat down face-to-face, eye-to-eye, with a friend/family member. After greeting each other, what could you ask to find out who this person is today, how have they grown since the last time you talked, even if it was only a couple of hours since your last conversation? Then listen generously. I haven't read Krista's book, Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Art of Living, so I don't know exactly what she would say generous listening is, but I would say it is to listen as if it is you talking to yourself, in-the-world, (rather than in your head). No commentary, suggestion, or rejoinder, not even an agreement or disagreement with what is being said. Just know you heard every word, every intent, and accept it all (no matter what your mind wants to say). And then wait, not saying the first thing, or second thing, or third thing that comes to mind. Let the answerer lead. You could be on an incredible new adventure!