In our curriculum, and on occasion in a single session, we examine the pros and cons of relational consequences caused by the ancient yet essential, behavioral paradigm as an unseen paradigm. We can then intentionally create a replacement paradigm that expands the pros and eliminates the cons. In the new paradigm, our real-life parenting and all other relational problems, issues, and concerns begin to be seen - and felt - as desirable opportunities rather feeling as if something or someone is wrong or bad. In this session you become a transforming agent rather than a fixer. With a little ongoing practice and coaching, life gets easier and more fun, for you and for everyone around you.
Among other useful and surprising things, you will see that there are two significant parts to our communication, one of which goes unnoticed but greatly influences the effectiveness of the other one, the one we are usually most concerned about. Happily, the one that goes unnoticed, once seen, is easy to use to affect cooperation, communication, play, and accomplishment.
In our role as parents, we could say there are three distinct yet integrated human motivations to consider that, when satisfied, allow us to increase cooperation, more enjoyable conversations, and engage more in cooperative play as well as accomplishment. How these are addressed make all the difference.
Seeing how these pieces are interdependent takes more than one session, and requires a bit of observational practice. Here is a way to grasp this: let's compare parenting to driving:
First, without being specific about where we want to end up, even good driving skills will not get us there. Secondly, if we are using the rear-view or side-view mirrors as if they are the windshield, it is difficult to stay on the road. After that, it is about steering in the direction we all want to go, how to accelerate, slow down, and how to stop. As in driving, knowing how to accelerate without knowing how to slow or stop may be interesting, but not really very useful. And also as with driving, practice will make going beyond "good" parenting effortless and habitual. You will be free to focus on your goals, mission, play, and dreams.